I have learned so much this week about humility and relying on the Lord to guide me. Being in the MTC is such a blessing but missionary work is really exhausting. I wonder if it will ever be less tiring! I really am thankful for all that I have learned. Teaching investigators in the MTC is also a blessing and it's an incredible experience. Just thinking that I've been learning this language for 4 weeks, but I've been teaching actual lessons with investigators since day 4 is a miracle.
When we come closer to the Savior we realize how many weaknesses we have, and then we are to learn to rely on our Savior. Ether 12:27 I finally understand what this means. I finally understand what it means to have weaknesses to make us strong and to keep us humble. Being a missionary is the hardest thing I have ever done, or may do in my entire life. Self-discipline, obedience, humility, love, service, and working hard is a challenge but I know that God makes it possible for us to do all that He asks of us.
Taking the last 15 minutes of my day to inventory my soul in prayer and humility asking for help and telling my Heavenly Father what I've been doing has been a huge blessings. Sometimes I do that multiple times a day because I need it. I would encourage everyone reading this blog to make a 15 minute appointment with Heavenly Father and just talk and listen to Him and you will receive greater understanding and love. I know it keeps me sane and that's how we can progress as humans.
Last night my companion and I broke down into tears after our lesson. We were teaching and it was 8-9 so right at the end of our day and we were exhausted and emotional but we had the hardest lesson we've ever had. For me I couldn't understand how I had prepared so much and then I go into the lesson and I can't remember or say anything that I've studied. I didn't feel like I could feel the Spirit and I felt so lost and stupid because I couldn't say anything in Tagalog. We are preparing an investigator for baptism and we were going to teach the Restoration of the Gospel and I couldn't understand why God wouldn't want us to be able to teach this. I was flustered during the lesson with broken Tagalog and I just wanted it to end. After my companion and I were talking about it and I started crying and explaining what happened and she started crying too. This is what she told me: "I have never been more in tune with the Spirit, or have felt so much love for our investigator than I did in that lesson." I was shocked. Were we in the same lesson? Afterwards the investigator told us that he felt an incredible Spirit even though he couldn't understand us at all.
I had to be humbled and I poured myself out to the Lord. I don't really know what happened or why, but I refocused myself and I'm trying to have more faith.
Work like everything depends on you, pray like everything depends on the Lord.
Those are the words that I have lived by and even though things don't always work out like I would expect, I know that if we are doing our very best, things will always work out in God's hands.
I love you all. I wish I could tell you everything that I have learned.
I bear testimony that this Gospel blesses families and everyone needs it.
Excuse my English, I don't write a whole lot in English so I've noticed that my Tagalog has been messing up my grammar. :)
Sister Santa
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